just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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