My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize