just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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