She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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