Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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