Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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