you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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