if i can run in heels then i can drive
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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