I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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