it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize