was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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