but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize