so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize