We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize