okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
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Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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