Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
