Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize