"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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