Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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