I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
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I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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