I hope mine doesn't look like that
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
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These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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