My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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