Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize