I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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