Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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