Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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