But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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