Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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