he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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