I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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