Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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