I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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