i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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