8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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