Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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