I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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