I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize