i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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