I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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