Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize