the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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