I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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