I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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