i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize