i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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