Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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Someone stole a lamp last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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