i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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