I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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