So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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