my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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